Giving up?

Tomorrow marks my 6 month anniversary of being a career woman. I thought I'd have it all figured out by now. That I'd have my sitar practice, working out, socializing and relaxing moving like clockwork. But I don't. Too-short weekdays are followed by stressful weekends where you never get as much done as you thought you would.

If I get enough studying done on the weekend, then my house is a mess. If I get my chores done, I'm freaking out about school deadlines by Sunday afternoon. Is it always going to be like this?

I had been ignoring her for weeks. Locked away in her shiny black case, cushioned in red velvet. At first she would tempt me everyday, and guiltily I'd turn my eyes the other way and get on with more pressing matters. As the weeks went by it seemed the energy with which she always rests started to die, and the throb in my veins that make me want to pick her up at every turn began to slowly fade. Pretty soon, I just ignored her. I put her in a corner of my room where I would be least likely to see her. But I picked her up the other day. Gingerly I fingered her strings, and sadly listened to how out-of-tune I had let her become. I held her in guilty lover's hands, but after weeks of no sunshine, no air, no love, no music coarsing through her, she sounded so empty.

Am I destined to not be able to commit to sitar? Will it always be this difficult?
Once somebody said to me, to be an artist you have to find a job that you can work part-time at but make the money of a full-timer. More and more this is starting to ring true.

How much longer till it all falls into place? Will it ever?
This cannot be my life. I am not meant to be a career woman and that's it. I am not meant to be a stay-at-home mom cleaning and cooking all day. There's more to me. There has to be mroe to my life than career and babies and chores.

I need music. I need it. But it's so hard to make it happen.