It's the Reason to be Jolly?

On the eve of another Eid. It's been a lousy Ramadan, although this year Momi and I made iftar a few times (fruit chat was a staple almost every day, beginu, aluni, etc.) But no chhola, no piyaju, no muri even! The rituals of waking up together to have sehri was replaced by zombie-like knocks on doors and mumbled exclamations of "go away I don't need sehri!" into our pillows. The calm, reflective quality of iftar that comes from collectively breaking your fast was replaced by hurried trips to the grocery store downstairs for ingredients, breaking fasts with khejoor in one hand while frying the begunis with the other, yelling at each other "break your fast now woman, it's time!". All the while remembering how it had been; how it's supposed to be. There has been a kind of aura of gloomy reminiscence this whole month, with the climax arriving at the end of this week.

I'm not a particularly "religious" person in the orthodox sunni sense. Religion to me is something that inspires me to be good, and do good, on a daily basis. I don't believe that having halal food and forsaking steaks and McChickens is going to help me be a better person, or do something good for other people. It doesn't make sense to me, to pray in arabic words that I'm probably pronouncing wrong and don't know the meaning of. And even if I knew the meaning, they don't reflect what my prayers to god are. This doesn't mean that I don't pray, I just don't do namaz, because it doesn't mean anything to me. This also doesn't mean that I don't think other people shouldn't pray--if they get peace, or a sense of connection to God through it, go for it! I like the idea of fasting, although I'm far from those whole-monthers. But to me it means having control over yourself, and being actively reminded about the world around you; to do good and be good. I like the idea, it's something that I aspire to be able to do someday.

Eid I simply miss the feeling of--doing and being with a collection of people--the excitement, the rituals, the energy in the air, (the food!). It all ended after moving to Canada, on our first Eid where we all sat baffled at people living across the street from each other celebrating Eid on a different day, according to moon sightings in Timbuktu. This is somehting I have yet to be able to comprehend. Last night, I tried in vain to spot the moon so that I could know for myself when the hell Eid is, but saw nothing between the cracks of looming high rises.

We are going to Mehreen's for dinner on Friday, and I plan on making Dudh-Shemai on Saturday morning, so I guess it won't be that bad.

Here's hoping.

Sorry for the gloomy post guys, Eid Mubarak everyone!