blah this blah that

i'm in one of my funny moods again.
i feel like yelling at the top of my lungs, or crying out loud, or keep running until i fall out of exhaustion... i feel trapped in my skin, i want to let something out but i don't know what it is

there is a picnic today, i've been dying to go on a picnic ever since april, bu now that it's here i feel blah. i hate that word, blah, i hate it cz it's so undescriptive and meaningless but today just because of that, it feels as if it has more depth.

i dont feel like doing ANYTHING. i feel down because i made a list of things i needed to get done this week and i didn't do all of them, i'm an idiot - a lazy bum.

now that i'm finally playing sitar, i'm finally back to sounding semi-normal, semi like i used to sound back in the days before injuries and physical limitations! but now i've hit a roadblock, one that i've hit before but have kept ignoring. there is something wrong with my right hand...more specifically the knuckle of my middle finger on my right hand.. because of it i can't make a fist properly... which is essential to the movements that a sitarist's right hand has to make in order to play properly; in order to increase their speed and stamina. well, i am forced to admit to this flaw, again, this aggravating limitation, this looming mountain i'm not sure i have the willpower to overcome.